I can not count the amount of times I have heard one of my friends sigh and tell me “why doesn’t my boyfriend buy me flowers?” or something along those lines. As they’re scrolling through their social media seeing the dreamy, envious relationship “goals” and compare their relationship or desire in a spouse, to what others are getting.
I get it. The old school love of a gentlemen that buys you flowers just because he wanted to surprise you, put a smile on your face or make you feel important, is completely desirable. I do agree, that old school love is hard to come by in 2020 as someone in their twenties (any age if you think about it).
I’ve always had the perspective that if my significant other loves me with passion and wholeheartedly then, yes they would surprise me with small gifts. Maybe flowers or maybe remembering I’m lactose intolerant and coming through with some lactose free ice cream, because I had a tough day. Of course, I also believe it’s a two way street and both people in the relationship should be expressing their passion for each other, in the way that they personally show their love. Remember, everyone shows love differently.
Ladies, gentlemen, I know you want your significant other to buy you flowers or you hope that one day you’ll meet someone who will. Let’s get one thing straight. We aren’t in the age of old school love anymore but, that doesn’t mean we don’t have to experience it. In a relationship or not, set the tune of loving yourself inside and out by… buying yourself your own flowers. I do believe this will express what you want and need to your spouse or future spouse.
I did this the other day. It felt genuinely pure to the point I felt a rush of self-love, self-worth and warmth trickling through my veins. I bought my self a dozen small pale pink roses and I couldn’t resist my self from grabbing a single large red rose for my newest best friend, waiting for me in the car.
She’s been in a relationship for 3 years and she said “he hasn’t bought me flowers since when we first started dating”, and I felt my heart sink. Then, instantly reacted saying “Well, I did because I love you”. “I love you too!” Express your love to any of your loved ones, don’t hesitate.
The last few mornings I’ve woken up and seen those pretty pale pink roses sitting on my kitchen table, as my kittens smell them out (occasionally taking little nibbles on the petals). I know I need to show myself more love, so I did. I know I need to set the tone for the love I want and deserve, so I did. I know that in order to attract the people and situation I desire into my life I personally need to be actively participating in the actions I desire, so I did.
This doesn’t end in just buying myself or yourself flowers. This is a regular practice I’m starting to show myself heightened love, my worth, kindness, small yet big ways of praising my hard work and efforts, and trying to set my own tone for the way I want to be treated, loved and taken care of. Don’t leave it completely up to your significant other. You deserve to show your self that same passion and love for yourself, even if that means slowly building it up, you deserve it.
Also, don’t be shy in saying you want to start surprising one another more often and express your love with small romantic gestures. Communicate and be clear with the way you want to love yourself and be loved by others. There are so many ways to show this passion without spending a nickel like, picking up some flowers off the side of the road (that’s more so sentimental in my books.)
Email me or leave comments on the contact tab. Much love, angels.
It’s July 4th, 2020 and I turned 22 today. Well, to be more precise I was born around 2:30 am this morning. I spent so many of my birthdays with a negative perspective that if I wasn’t where I wanted to be my existence on Earth was worthless. That thought process has vanished and I’m now able to see my purpose, my potential and my unique abilities with clarity. Of course, each year we learn, grow and heal in different ways in which, all depend on what life puts in our path. The decisions we make lead us to where we are. I went through a lot of hardship to make it where I am today with my head more so on my shoulders rather then lost in the clouds. My goals, dreams and aspirations are much more solid and inspirational. Happy birthday to me, I killed it the last year and have came so far!
LET’S GET INTO IT. I love to share the thing’s I’ve learned in hopes that others will take it and use it to their advantage to learn, grow and heal themselves.
22 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE 22:
ONE: You must make yourself your number one priority, every single day.
TWO: You must learn when to say “yes” when you don’t want/need to do something, and you must learn when to say “no” when you need to challenge your comfort zone. You are the only person who can make decisions for yourself.
THREE: You are allowed to remove ANYONE from your life that is toxic to you or not benefiting you as an individual and the life you deserve/desire to live. Family, friends, coworkers, anyone.
FOUR:It is okay to need help, to ask for help and to struggle. Struggle simply means it is time to start learning, growing and healing to be a better version of yourself. Without struggle, we would never know the worth of happiness and being content.
FIVE:Struggling with mental health does not make you weak or broken and you can overcome it by seeking professional help and dedicating to a treatment plan. There are resources all over the place but I recommend an appointment with your family physician to get things rolling.
SIX: You should have an idea of what your core values, morals and beliefs are to ensure you are acting, speaking and setting goals that reflect your true inner self. There are many worksheets and prompt questions online to figure out what yours are.
SEVEN: We are so much harder on ourselves then we would ever be on anyone else. A lot of people hear this but don’t acknowledge it. Treat your self like you would treat you most loved ones. Acknowledge you deserve to be treated respectfully, with kindness and love just as you give others, always.
EIGHT: Diet culture is seriously harming our society. Eating a well balanceddiet with all the food groups at least for breakfast, lunch and dinner is essential for proper nourishment, energy and regular function. Your body is your home, take care of it just like you would take care of your loved ones. No this will not make you “fat” or gain weight.
NINE:Take risks and try new things as often as possible. Explore the opportunities that come your way to see if you like or dislike it. Never stop learning about life and learning about yourself. Experience as much as you can in as many different forms as possible, make your life an uplifting adventure.
TEN: Your energy and efforts are precious for your overall well being. When giving your energy and efforts out to others, make sure that these are the type of people that will do the same for you. If its for strangers, make sure you have enough energy and effort left over at the end of the day for yourself, if not, then don’t. And that’s not selfish.
ELEVEN: Relationships come and go. Relationships should always be a safe haven, with good communication, listening and understanding. A relationship is about partnership with a lover but also a friend/best friend. They should be based around seeking growth, healing, learning and building as a team. Equal give and take from both parties. You’re in your twenties, don’t let a heartbreak dwell too long this is all about learning about what you want and need in a partner. If you’re in your twenties, don’t let a break up destroy you. Learn, grow, heal and focus on loving yourself fully before committing to a relationship unless you’re growing healthily together.
TWELVE:Make amends with people and get rid of any grudges you’re holding. If this person accepts, then you just gained a friend and a great sigh of relief. If they don’t, that’s okay they aren’t ready but you can be ready for forgiveness and let the pressures release by allowing yourself to forgive them and/or yourself. Accepting that not everyone will forgive you or a situation that occurred means forgiveness in your own mind can flourish and you can move forward.
THIRTEEN:Getting away from your electronics, internet, data and social media is crucial for you health. You deserve and need to experience the precious moments of life and sometimes it’s so much more worth the picture of the moment to be taken in your mind than, on your phone. You’ll be so surprised how much more present you are and how much more you absorb in these precious moments.
FOURTEEN: Make new friends, socialize and create a circle of friends that represent/supports your own goals, motivation, that make you feel healthy and happy and support you, as much as you want to do the same for them. A healthy, happy circle of friends is a game changer because who you surround yourself with will reflect your own actions and decisions in your own life. Don’t be scared to let go of your current friends because you’ve outgrown them and want to be surrounded by people that represent/support you more.
FIFTEEN: Bloom outwards and try new hobbies; get creative. You are human and you actually do need to express yourself so through trial and error find the hobby that makes you absolutely inspired and drives you to go out and participate in it. A hobby can dramatically increase your happiness, work ethic, potential and ability to express yourself in both good and bad times. I would love to do a blog post on my personal experience trying to find my hobby and the ones I did through trial and error to find the ones perfect for me. Leave a comment at the end of this post or email me if you would like to see this.
SIXTEEN: Life is constantly changing and you are constantly having to adapt to it and make decisions about what you’re going to do next, how you’re going to respond, what you’re going to say, and how to resolve situations. Don’t be afraid to make “mistakes” because all they are, are lessons learned to grow from. You are evolving every day, you get to chose if you evolution will be positive or negative. Aim for the positive and growth. You are responsible.
SEVENTEEN:You are solely responsible for your feelings and actions. No one else can control your feelings or actions thus, you must learn to self-soothe yourself, to think before you act to ensure you’re acting inline with your core beliefs and values, and hold yourself responsible for any change, negative feelings or consequences that occur. You are the sole provider and guide of your life, chose wisely and in truth to your inner self/intuition.
EIGHTEEN:Suicide, drug abuse and eating disorders can be some of the hardest mental health struggles to overcome. They are illnesses and romanticizing them will only make things more unclear for yourself with reality and thinking rationally. Challenging yourself through recovery is one of the absolute best things you can ever do for yourself. You will find a brightness, a happiness, a purity you have never felt before with recovery. Recovery is a challenge, but the ultimate challenge of learning to know who you really are, what you truly want and to see your worth in the world a.k.a the potential of all that you are capable of. Also, another topic that I would love to blog about, leave a comment if you would like to hear about it.
NINETEEN:Being a drop out from university/college and taking years off from school does not make you a failure. If anything, it makes you experience more of “real life” and what you may actually want to pursue as a career if you decide to go through for post secondary education. You do not have to be a certain age to attain your education, marriage, children etc. and you don’t need to want it either. This is YOUR life; live the life that YOU want to live.
TWENTY:Stand up for what you believe in and battle wholeheartedly for the things you believe and stand by personally. Never stop believing in bettering your self, the world and empowering the world/others with change on things you believe need to change. Put your mark out on the world and stand by kindness, respect and empowering the best of you, the best of others and the best of the world. You are so much stronger and more powerful than you may believe. Get out there and prove it to yourself. Get involved.
TWENTY-ONE:Be who you are wholesomely, truly and passionately each and every day because as our birthdays pass, the years begin to pass even faster. Set out goals that you feel inspired by. Don’t be scared of what others think of you, only focus on loving yourself and the people that belong in your life will natural stay or find their way to you. Don’t be so hard on yourself with your appearance, your feelings, your thoughts, what you want to do, who you want to be, simply be who you are in honesty. Do that thing you’ve been dying to do. Stop making excuses around getting or doing that thing that you crave and want so badly. Make things happen and go get everything you aspire. Remember to reflect on the simple aspects and little moments in life; never take the simplicity of life for granted. You are unique and so so, powerful.
TWENTY-TWO: I have no idea what all my 22nd year of life will completely consist. But I’ve learned to always keep moving forward with a positive perspective. Also, to be open to new possibilities, change, and jump at opportunities that you that benefit you. The unknown can be fearful. The unknown means there’s so much left to discover.
Yes, I learned a lot more then just 22 things during the 22 years from being welcomed into this crazy beautiful world and motioning through my crazy beautiful life. But, I hope everyone who reads this can take at least one of the points and explore it for themselves so they can grow, learn and heal just like I have learned to do so.
Let me know through email or leaving a comment on the contact tab at the top if there are any points here you want me to elaborate/write on or, if there is something different you want me to post about. Much love.
Self-care is my essential source of relaxation, to ensure I’m finding time for myself and obviously, showing myself kindness and love. Let’s walk through a typical day of self-care and the products I use regularly and religiously. There will be side note sections that aid in the additions, subtractions and tips I do when I need to pamper my self with extra kindness, love, care and calmness or, take it easy.
RISE AND SHINE | WAKE AND REST
You’ve heard it a million times… Having a sleeping schedule is essential. This is my second top priority in self-care. I’ve found that a routine of 8 hoursof sleep at regular times, has dramatically elevated my mood, memory, concentration, energy and ability to be present. I work shifts of 7am – 3pm or 3pm – 11pm, so my schedule does have to change up. For 7am – 3pm shifts I head to bed for 8pm – 9pm allowing me to wake at 5pm – 6pm (7-8 hours of rest). For 3pm – 11pm shifts I head to bed at 12pm and wake up at 8am (8 hours of rest) and since I have to work later into the night, I may take a power nap before work.
Side Note:If your job has consistent hours or you can manage to create a sleep schedule that is at the same regular rest and wake time (ex. rest at 11pm and wake at7pm everyday), do it. You’ll notice the benefits I’ve listed for my interchanging sleep schedule to be more abundant.
I love to use a silk pillow case and sheets to minimize hair breakage when I’m resting. Also, tying my hair back in a scrunchy instead of an elastic has minimized hair breakage. The bonus to putting your hair back in a loose, scrunchy pony tail at night is that your hair will stay reasonably as styled as when you went to bed. I love finding ways to minimize getting ready in the AM. Don’t go to bed with wet hair, pretty pretty please. Unless, you want to cause more breakage to your luscious locks.
I WOKE UP LIKE THIS | MORNING FIX
Yes, I’m that girl that needs caffeine in the morning to make me more of delightful human rather than, a confused and sassy toddler. First thing I do is boil the water for my coffee then feed my kittens. I head straight to the bathroom after and get ready to start my morning self-care.
I started using Crest 3D White Brilliance Toothpaste at the beginning of June. I’ve used other Crest 3D White products but this toothpaste is by far my favorite. The first day of using it I noticed a whiter smile and as the weeks go on I’ve seen a remarkable difference in the whiteness of my teeth. So, 2 minutes brushing and don’t you dare do a second less!
First I use either a Dove or Ivory unscented soap bar for my face and I can already hear people saying “Don’t do that!”, “Why a soap bar?”. I’ve noticed the more simple the product, the more benefits I get from it such as less acne, blotching and redness. If you want a facial bar specifically for your face then I recommend the Clinic Facial Soap bar. It’s a magical product for my not oily, but not dry skin, and did aid in lessening my mentioned troubles. Just be willing to pay a little extra.
Second, I use the Frank Body Original Face Scrub and gently motion the scrub in small circles covering my face. The original Frank Body product line are made of vegan ingredients, with coffee grinds and oil extracts. Their products are simple and get the job done with cleaning and deep moisturizing. You get a lot of product for your buck and the messages they leave on their packaging makes you feel giddy about using the products.
Third, I use Frank Body Original Lip Scrub on wet lips and again, gently motion the scrub on my lips. It allows removal of dry skin off your lips, to keep them moisturized and my favorite part… It tastes and smells like mocha. Once all washed off I like to apply my J.R. Watkins Ultra Moisturizing Lip Balm in Lavender Vanilla to ensure soft lips.
Side Note: If I feel like I didn’t get all the coffee grinds from the exfoliants off my face, I’ll go in with a facial wipe (or baby wipe) to feel squeaky clean. Some days my emotional health is a little too much and just using a makeup wipe/baby wipe can get the job done. Self-care can be a learning process, be patient and have an idea of the minimal you have to do to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.
ENERGIZE & MEDICATE | THE BASICS
Of course my waters boiling by now and you best believe my coffee is made and I take a Centrum Multi-Vitamin for Woman. Alongside it, I take my prescribed medication.
Side not: Never be ashamed of takingmedication for whatever it may be for. You’re doing what you have to do for you and what’s best for you.
Before we go in too deep I want you to know I am proudly anti-diet culture. Why? Humans need all food groups, at all meals, to feel satisfied and balanced. Coming from a young woman recovering from Anorexia Nervosa, please don’t restrict yourself and at least have breakfast + lunch + dinner.
Creating a routine for eating is extremely essential to me and something I honestly do prioritize, every single day. I eat breakfast within the first hour of waking up. I ensure I have a full portion of four food groups for breakfast to make sure I’m giving my body everything it needs to be nourished, energized and satisfied. Typical I get a fruit or vegetable, a grain, a dairy, and a protein/fat. This may look different for everyone but I ensure you that having a healthy, balance meal at each dining time, will make you feel a lot better than any diet.
Proper nourishment and eating well for your health, individual needs and listening to your body when it’s sending you cues that you are hungry for something (or something specific) shouldn’t be ignored. I make sure I eat every 3-4 hours to ensure my body is always being replenished with nourishment and so I am mentally and physical energized throughout the day. This benefits my mood and ability to feel good all day.
Side Note: Take a look at the revised food guide. Get all those food groups in at eachmeal and feel satisfied, nourished and happy. If you are following or search for diets on social media or the internet, try to avoid this for your own emotional and physical health.
EXPERIENCE/EVOLVE VS. TO COMPLETE | Plan A Successful Day
Every morning while I’m drinking my coffee or eating my breakfast, I fill out a blank page to plan for my day. I separate my day into “thing to complete” which are the tasks I truly need to prioritize and get done and then, “experience and evolve” which are things that I want to do that day that are necessary/are beneficial to me. These are what I’m actually interested in doing and collaborating with the goals that are inspiring me.
Planning your day can be stressful. Since, I started having these two categories it made me feel more balance and excited to begin my day. I had things I need to complete because that’s the reality of being an adult yet, I had a bunch of optional things that I feel interested in doing that day that are fun, inspiring, engaging and make me feel good inside and out.
I either scratch them out at I go with a thin line in a light color so I can still read/see the things I accomplished through out the day or, I draw a symbol beside the task and color it in once completed. If you’re a visual person such as myself, you may find this a lot more beneficial then having your day planned on a calendar or on your phone.
This keeps me moving forward, feeling more purposeful, confident, organized and allows me to be responsible but also explore my dreams/goals that I feel I want to engage in with that day.
I have a third section for my recovery from Anorexia Nervosa that focuses on making sure I’m eating healthy and according to my treatment plan. It also includes things like gratitude writing, opening up my journal to express myself, and different optional worksheets I can use for self-discovery. Having a third section that’s focusing on any mental or physical struggles you are going through (or a hardship/challenge you may be going through) should be on your planned day, as well. This is personal to you! Improving and being healthier each day in mental and physical health is so important for your well being, meeting your potential and growing into the person you aspire to be.
SPLISH SPLASH I WAS TAKING A BATH | Shower Actually
I feel like I may be a little intense with my regular shower routine, or at least I know that’s what my best friend has to say about it. None the less, I do the self-care that makes me feel more confident, more loved by myself and makes me want to take on the world with a happy outlook. So, to set the mood every time I shower in the morning I grab my speaker, connect it to my phone and play my “happs” playlist (happy… in case you didn’t get it but you probably did) on YouTube to set the tune of a good day coming alive.
Toning: I dampen my hair ensuring it’s not completely soaked and apply a generous amount of Tressa Watercolors Metallic Intense Shampoo in silver. I let it soak in my hair for ten minutes and continue with my shower routine until the ten minutes have passed.
Side Note: I use this product on dry hair occasionally for ten minutes if my hair is needing a real pick me up to be brighter and whiter.
Body Wash: I switch up my body wash but am currently using St. Ives Pampering Vanilla and Oat Milk. It smells lovely, feels lovely on my skin and it’s very moisturizing.
Exfoliate: I switch between two Frank Body exfoliating products depending on the day and how I’m feeling. Firstly, Frank Body Original Coffee Scrub is straight up fine ground coffee bean grinds, that you apply when your body and hands are wet. This product is better for a deep cleaning of your skin and when I use it I take 2-3 minutes gently getting a deep exfoliation everywhere. This is great for if you’ve been camping for a weekend, have slacked in your self-care routine etc. Frank Body Original Coffee Espress-o Scrub is a pre-whipped version of their original coffee scrub meaning, it is smoother, less messy, and creamier. I use this product more regularly because it’s more gentle (I have super sensitive skin). Both of these scrub leave you moisturized, and feeling fresh, smelling like literal heaven for anyone who admires a mocha coffee scent.
Shampoo: I try to use the most simple and natural shampoos on my hair as I do have some split ends, breakage and bleaching to grow out. I recently started using Live Clean Bali Oil Nutri-Shine Shampoo and having used their products before, they get the job done without weighing your hair down or drying your hair out. I only apply shampoo to my scalp and when I rinse my hair the shampoo works its way down the ends of my hair. I do this to avoid drying out the mid and end section of my hair out anymore then necessary. RINSE WITH COLD WATER or at least as cold as you can bear. This closes your hair follicles so they are stronger opposed to when their open.
Condition: Same as the shampoo, I have recently started using Live Clean Vitamin Multi-Boost Conditioner. I make sure I get out as much water as possible before applying the conditioner and once it’s damp, I apply a generous amount and leave it in. You heard me, no rinsing out the conditioner and only apply on damp hair. Having naturally spiral curls, doing this gives my hair the shine, nourishment and pretty curls I love versus frizzy, incomplete and dry curls.
Shave: I use my St. Ives Pampering Vanilla and Oat Milk body wash as a shaving cream. Typically I would use an actual foamy shaving cream but this product is incredible and much more budget friendly. It’s very creamy, thick and moisturizing. I shave every/every other day because I love the feeling of being freshly shaven and crawling into my fluffy duvet and silky sheets (you know the feeling). I feel more confident and the best part is I don’t experience razor bumps or rash by using this product. Again, I have super sensitive skin so it’s been really life changing for me m(y favorite anti-razor bump tips is coming up soon). I typically use a men’s razor that’s disposable with 4-5 blades.
Side Note: The key to shaving is exfoliating and being slow, don’t press the razor against your skin and rinse off the razor between each section.
Woman Hygiene: Some people get weird about this but yes, they make pH balancing products for your lady parts and honestly, I will never go back to not using them again. I started using SweetSpot Labs Vanilla Blossom Gentle wash which is made of 97% natural products and I use it every day. You just apply a dime size of product on your hand and clean the outside of your lady area and it balances out your pH levels, leaves you smells like a snack, and ensures safe hygiene. Especially during your menstrual cycle or post sex, this product makes sure your feeling fresh and balanced out healthily.
Side Note: If you haven’t tried SweetSpots Lab products for your hygiene, I recommend trying it and I bet you won’t be able to go back to your old ways! It’s totally safe.
Foot Care: I have one of those foot care products that have a pumice stone, brush, dry skin/scrapper and sand paper like side and I adore it. I typically only use the dry skin/scrapper side then the pumice stone and away I go. But when I feel like my feet have had it rough lately with standing, walking, exercise, running around bare footed and especially during the winter, I use all four sides. Soft feet that are smooth and taking some dryness and discomfort away from your feet, why not okay?
Hair Drying: This may also be a weird one to hear, but I use a soft cotton t-shirt to dry my hair. You can buy products that are specific for drying your hair for anti-breakage but a cotton t-shirt works just fine. Like I said it creates less breakage, you aren’t tugging or tangling your hair like a regular towel does and you can toss your hair up in a t-shirt and keep the conditioner and any other treatments you put in your hair. Instead, of it absorbing into a towel. Literal game changer.
Body Drying: This is pretty self explanatory but I know people are still out there rubbing a towel against their entire body, even after they have shaved. If you want to avoid razor bumps and rashes then gently tap your body clean with your towel or wrap it around you and air dry. This technique really aided in my ability to now have razor bump and rash free skin.
Side Note: A cold rinse before you jump out of the shower closes your pores and can aid in lessening razor bumps and rash.
Moisturize: I use to experience really bad dryness and scratching that lead to some wild bruising. I started using Hempz: Blushing Grapefruit and Herbal Body Moisturizer and my skin was becoming more and more moisturized and clearing of itchiness and bruising. It smells so fresh and it’s an energizing smell that wakes you up and makes you feel a little snap of pleasure. Bless this product for allowing me to be bruise free or only have a few baby bruises.
Deodorant: We all experienced elementary school and dealing with body odor and learning about the importance of deodorant. My absolute favorite deodorant to use is Secret VaVa Vanilla Antiperspirant because it smells like heaven and keeps you odor free all day long. I’ve been using it since elementary school (that’s how much I swear by it). Here’s the fun part though, deodorant is my little secret application on where razor bumps and rash tend to happen. Once I started this habit, I can shave every day without having razor bumps or maybe just one or two here and there (razor bumps and rash are totally normal).
Leave-In Conditioner: I started using Olaplex Leave-In Conditioner before I got my hair bleached around 8 months ago to ensure my hair was building it’s self from the inside out so I could bleach my hair with minimal breakage. I now continue to use this product every time I wash my hair because it is truly making my hair stronger, helping aid my split ends and old breakage from previous hair dying experiences. Meanwhile, nourishing my hair more than any other leave-in conditioner I have tried. I apply it mostly to my ends and areas of weaker hair strands or old breakage. It’s more costly then your typical drug store leave-in conditioners but you only need to apply a small amount for immense results.
Side Note: Olaplex has a whole line of hair products such as shampoo andconditioner. You can go to some salons where they use Olaplex products that go in with the dye for your hair, for minimal damage and breakage. I absolutely recommend adding it to your salon visit.
GET COMFY CONFIDENT | Makeup, Hair and Outfit
Once I’m done in the shower I’m ready to get dressed, do my hair and makeup and get ready to tackle my plans for the day. It’s so important to wear clean clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident at the same time. I know this can be a challenge for many of us; there’s days where I feel like I’m lacking either confidence or being comfortable. But, as I have learned what I feel both comfortable and confident in, most days I thrive.
Then, I start applying my makeup and I’ve always kept my daily makeup routine extremely simple. I use a BB cream foundation, powder on top, fill my brows, then apply mascara, sometimes a clear lip gloss, and away I go.
Finally, I’ll do my hair and I try my best to only use heat on my hair once a week. That tends to be the the day after I have washed my hair since I’ve trained my hair to be able to go a week or just over, without being a greasy. I have my go to hair style of half up, half down, but some days you just want a different look and then you have endless options. Take a look on Pinterest or simply google hair style ideas. Embrace your natural hair, use minimal heat and go with however it is when you wake up with a little heat-less styling. Be confident and be empowered.
Having a routine and “go to’s” for your outfits, makeup and hair can make getting ready for the day a lot easier and more of a instinct then, something you dread even thinking about. Planning out outfits the night before can be really helpful too. The key is to really enjoy your morning and with the self care I practice now by going through trial and error of what works and doesn’t work for me, I have a solid and secure system I live by. You can explore and discover one too that personalized just for you. Research, explore, try new things, and follow your intuition about how different self-care practices make you feel.
YOU LEAD THE WAY OF YOUR DAY | Look at Your Planned Day and Evolve With Responsibilities in Check
As always leave me a comment, like, follow, email and/or leave a message on the contact tab to get in touch with me. If you want to know more about my go to outfits/styling, my makeup routine, details of planning your day out, or any other concepts from this blog, get in touch with me! Much Love.
Downloadable worksheet (.doc file) attached at the end.
I want to get raw with you, right now in this very moment. Let the world fade back slowly into the abyss and be fully here with me right now, it’s just you and I. Breathe in deeply, exhale deeply. Repeat. Again. And again until you feel your only focus is on you and I, right now, and this moment.
Look, you and I know life is challenging. It sometimes feels like the world is running bets against you, saying you’ll fail and you’re thinking “what will go wrong next?” Then, something does go wrong and even when things aren’t going right they aren’t up to your standards or mine, right? What an endless, exhausting, and depilating cycling. I’ve been there. You’ve been there. Maybe you are right now or maybe there’s still so much yet you are questions, wondering, pondering, experiencing, learning and growing from.
Let me tell you something raw, that I have only recently discovered for myself. I want you in on this. Remember, this is you and me right now so if there are any distractions, get away from them. You and I. This moment. Focus.
Change can be mildly, moderately or extremely uncomfortable. That makes complete sense, right? Different situations, feelings, thoughts and experiences come and go at different intensities, depending what they are. But none the less, they are… uncomfortable. You and I we get so caught up in the discomfort that we aren’t noticing what is really happening as the seconds of our lives pass by. We’re just trying to figure out what the quickest and easiest way is to discard the discomfort.
You and I, we have feelings and we have thoughts. Our feelings are valid and we are (please repeat this next part in your head as many times as you can) solely responsible for our feelings. No one else is responsible for our feelings. Only you are responsible for your feelings; only I am responsible for my feelings. When we can sit down and penetrate that thought with understanding and acceptance, we begin opening up this very beautiful, intimidating but addicting passage.
When we feel in all sorts of manners, we are always responsible. Now, you and I need to allow ourselves to feel and accept how we feel. “My feelings are valid and I’m responsible for how I feel” is something you and I need to be practising each day, as we feel our days forward. Why? Because we deserve acceptance and understanding towards ourselves for how we feel so we can then find a calmness in the discomfort we are feeling. You and I, we are human and what’s so incredible about our species is our immense ability to feel and… to think.
When we can start accepting out feelings as valid and our responsibility, we can begin analyzing what the current situation is and how to perceive it. Ultimately, I believe we can perceive in simply positive or negative yet, with the acceptance and understand of our feelings we can obtain a neutral mind set that allows us to be raw and true. Raw and true that is, with how we feel, why we feel the way we do, knowing the light of our thoughts and the dark of our thoughts and then, to find the rational and realistic reasoning.
Being uncomfortable means there is change occurring and change is hard for you and I, all of us. Change is the driving force of these uncomfortable feelings. When we take responsibility for our feelings and accept them then, begin seeking out the possible highs and possible lows of the situation at hand. With our negative and positive perspectives seen clearly from both angles we can begin to better understand what our intentions, values and desired feelings are. You and I, experiencing this means we are growing.
Growth from being in a discomforting situation with uncomfortable feelings and thoughts, means we are challenging our selves to take the positive or negative perspective to lead to a resolution. You and I, when we acknowledge our sole responsibility for how we are feeling day to day and we learn to accept this with kindness, patience and time when needed, we can grow immensely.
You and I, do not have to be uncomfortable in a sense of disapproval, shame, quilt and a spiralling sense of confusion. We can be uncomfortable in the sense of kindness, growth, patience and understanding. You and I, are capable of so much more when we prioritize the responsibility of our own feelings and reach for the positive perspective when we know what the negative perspective can lead too.
Dare to be uncomfortable. Dare to accept your feelings as your responsibility. Dare to grow by weighing out the perspectives of both the negative or positive route you can pick and choose from for a resolution.
I want you to experience this as I have experienced for myself. When a challenging situation is at hand and you are experiencing uncomfortable feelings and thoughts, fill this worksheet out (attached at the end). Fill it out from the beginning to the end and be raw, honest and real with yourself. It’s for your eyes only, so be as raw as you possibly can be with yourself. The way this worksheet has changed my life, is something I need to share with you.
A situation arises, making you uncomfortable and you are to reach right out to this document and begin your journey. Be uncomfortable so you can experience the blessing of change that leads to your very own, cherished growth. You have so much to be proud of, so much to experience and you can take life on with the confidence and positivity you dream of.
So, between you and I, life can be challenging. If you and I, can get through one of these worksheets I can promise you a great change in your growth, your mindset and figuring out what you truly want. Be raw.
As always, you angels, you, please email me or leave a message for me in the contact tab. I love hearing from you and would love to know if you have any experiences to share with the help of this post and worksheet. Much love.
There is a world full of people to experience. As we go through growing stages, different situations and environments, development in our personality, aspirations, goals and discovering our true selves, people will constantly be entering and exiting being apart of our changing lives. The important thing to remember when it comes to people coming and going is that we need to surround ourselves and in other words, “choose wisely” who we keep closest to us as our support system and that we will be bouncing energy off. We all experience someone coming into our lives that ends up not being a good fit; we all experience someone toxic in our lives and have to figure out how to free ourselves from them.
Side Note: I’m no means a professional on toxic people. I do believe that from one persons experiences, another may be able to better understand how to tackle a situation at hand from someone else’s past.
The three ways I personally have experienced toxic people are firstly, not being able to acknowledge that someone is toxic. Secondly, not allowing myself to be surrounded with people that are healthy due to not seeing my own worth or personal struggles and settling for people who are suffering to not see their own worth or personal struggles. Thirdly, not knowing how to let go of someone toxic.
ACKNOWLEDGING THAT SOMEONE IS TOXIC:
You may spend weeks, months or years with someone in your life and not realize that they are toxic to you. There are many reasons why you may not acknowledge it such as, believing you can’t give up on family or friends, you feel guilt thinking of discarding them from your life, you hang on the the thought things will get better with time and maybe you want to be the one person to be able to help mend this persons struggles/problems.
Regardless of timelines, toxic people are toxic. Toxic for one person can be different from another and by seeing if you relate to these points you may better understand trying to see for yourself, that someone is toxic:
You tend to experience more situations of negative emotions, fighting, arguing, misunderstanding and lack of civil communication
You feel like you’re lost at what to do with this relationship, as if you are exhausted, repeating yourself and the same scenarios.
You don’t feel supported or understood when you speak about how you feel, whats going on in your life or when you need their help.
You are the “go to” person for them, only when their life is in chaos and when their life isn’t chaotic you’re not on their list of priorities.
You experience feelings of sadness, guilt, shame, anger, confusion, conflict and lack of understanding with the other person on regular bases.
You can’t be honest, your true self, or say what you truly feel, want and need and if you can/do it results in negative situations
You change your plans, the way you see things, the way you do things, start to act in ways that aren’t purposeful to you or benefiting you.
If you are experience one, some or all of these points you may be dealing with someone that’s toxic to you that you should consider letting go of them. It can be hard to admit when someone is toxic to us because it’s human nature to assume the best in people and that what we give out we will get in return. This isn’t always the case, unfortunately.
If you find yourself unsure relating to some of these points I would recommend in consulting in a friend or family member you rely on and getting the opinion on the situation from an outsiders perspective. Remember to be completely honest about the details of the relationship. If you prefer time by yourself you can try writing out situations you have experienced with the person in question, how they make you feel, and ask yourself questions such as “how do I feel when I’m around them?”, “how are they benefiting me as being apart of my life?”, “do I see them as reliable, understanding, supportive and respectful?”, “is having to ask myself these questions a sign that they are a toxic person I should let go of?“.
Acknowledging and accepting that someone may be or is toxic in your life can be a very daunting task but is one of the most beneficial things you can do to be true to yourself, the life you want to live and be surround by the type of people you want/need to make your dreams and goals become reality. Change is uncomfortable and being uncomfortable means growth is occurring; the sensation of discomfort during change signals growth to move forward.
UNKNOWN WORTH AND/OR PERSONAL STRUGGLE CAN ATTRACT TOXIC PEOPLE:
When we are lacking confidence in our worth and purpose we are wondering through life without an idea to what we want and need in our lives in many aspects. One of course, being not knowing what our worth is or struggling in a way that is attracting people who are also struggling and lack confidence, for example. This isn’t always the case of a toxic person but certainly can be and sometimes it can be the beginning of an understanding friendship or a toxic bondage. If we are being very hard on ourselves, not setting and reaching goals and dreams or have an idea of them, if we are struggling with negative situations/environments/experiences, we can attract people of negative energy into our lives.
If you are experiencing feelings of unknown worth or are struggling with your own problems that need to be prioritized then, this list can express how to notice a toxic individual that is also in hardship:
When talking about your worth and struggles they respond by talking about what’s going on in their life that may seem to be more drastic than what you’re trying to vent about.
You start to pick up their negative habits, thought processes, problem solving and are influenced to continue feeling unworthy and continue struggling/begin suffering more as time goes on conversing with them.
The majority of time you spend with this person you are expressing, dwelling and focusing on all the negatives you’re experiencing.
There are limited or no conversations on giving advice, or being listened to with a response of support but instead they add to how negative the situation is.
You may feel like this person is the type of friendship you deserve or all you have because you aren’t sure of yourself, what you want and what your desire, aspirations and dreams are.
You start to realize some of your worth, start to grow, learn and experience more and you find this persons conversation, actions and habits are bringing you down or making you uncomfortable.
If you are experiencing one, some or all of these points it’s safe to say you have a relationship with a toxic person. Sometimes, we are the toxic person too and we attract toxic people in our lives. We all experience this at one point or another. Again, this is a time of great learning opportunity about yourself and how important it is to know your own worth and to start recovering/dealing with the things you are struggling with. Sometimes distance in these situations can be very beneficial or making distance and a compromise that if you’re going to be venting that there needs to be healthy advice given in return, mutually.
I can never stress the importance of putting your own health and happiness first and being surrounded by people that know your hardships and personal struggles. These people should be able to give you advice, support and guidance while maintaining a balance between the positives and negatives. In other words, balance between struggling and being uplifted. This is a time when you are needing yourself the most and need to be experiencing self discovery with only people around you that understand whats going on and you are able to feel safe, vulnerable, and confident around while, being able to experience happiness, laughter and a feeling of being lighter after spending time with them.
My personal experiences with this resulted in me focusing on prioritizing my recovery from my struggles and self-discovery to figure out what I want and need as number one. Devoting each and every day to baby steps to get closer to overcoming struggle and finding more of myself. This focus will allow you to acknowledge the people which you need for healthy support and the toxic people that you need to let go of. You need to be a healthy, happy, healing and growing version of yourself in order to start gaining these same individuals into your life. Once you start overcoming your own struggles and experience some self-discovery of your worth, you will be able to better see who you do want in your life and the people you don’t want to tinker with your becoming healthy and happy life.
NOT KNOWING HOW TO LET GO OF SOMEONE TOXIC:
Letting go of people is typical a tough task, especially when you are hoping that things will get better with time and experiencing negative emotions about letting them go. You have to understand that letting go of someone that is toxic to you doesn’t mean you are selfish or a bad person. It means that you are being true to yourself, taking care of your health and happiness and striving to live your best life.
Don’t get me wrong not all toxic people will be toxic to everyone they meet or that they wont ever be a great person in the future. In the present moment you are in and putting your values, needs, health, happiness and surrounding yourself with people that are your biggest fans is essential.
Some toxic people you will need to distance yourself from, some you will need to completely remove from your life. The situations can endlessly vary. From what I’ve experienced personally, these are some of the things I’ve done that have helped me with letting go of toxic people:
People you need to completely remove from your life you can remove on all social media platforms, restrict and/or block them and don’t forget their phone number, email and any other form of contact you may have with them.
People you need to distance your self with you can do the same as above but have only have one option available. For example, having them blocked on all social media platforms but able to text you.
If this person is someone you really, deeply care about it can help to explain your self simply and civilly to them that you need time to focus on your own journey. If they accept it, great! If they don’t, this is just another red flag that you need to be more aggressive with your distance and… let them go.
Writing a list of situations you experience with them, how they make you feel regularly, the benefits vs. complications they add into your life, and asking yourself questions about if they are supportive, respective and listen to you, are all great questions to ask yourself.
Writing a list of what you value in a relationship, how you desire your relationships to be like, what you expect from a relationship, your bare minimum of what a healthy relationship looks like, are prompts to get you analyzing why they aren’t suited to be a part of your life.
Speaking with someone you are close with about the situation, in detail and that may already know what this toxic relationship has been like, can help by getting an outsiders perspective. Make sure this is someone you truly trust and know you can rely on with honesty.
If you are in a place of self-discovery from struggling and you feel confused, lost or misplaced in life, you need to be focusing on yourself. This is when you should be keeping your circle of relationships to the ones that you are most trusting, most yourself and most understood and feel supported and listened to. Focusing on yourself and distancing yourself from toxic people allows you to flourish and begin realizing who you want in your life and why you want them in your life, vice versa.
SEE TOXICITY TO BE FREE AND BECOME TRUE TO YOU:
I want you to realize that toxic people coming and going from our lives is more than normal, we all experience toxic people. Here are the things I want you to know most importantly.
Letting go of toxic people to be healthier, happier and be the best version of you is not selfish what so ever.
Experiencing and letting go of toxic people helps you develop your own sense of self and what you value in your relationships as necessities, allowing you to focus on these types of people and the people that you start to run into that have these traits.
Letting go of toxic people can be really hard but it can be the most freeing and uplifting experience when you experience some time without them then, seeing how you are better off without them.
Letting go of people that are toxic can be permanent and it can be semi-permanent; you have to ensure that the people surrounding you are reflecting your own values and make you feel good. People can change through time and you may be able to mend in the future but in the present moment you have to focus on what is healthiest for you. Regardless of if they return or not, you are the priority.
You are more than allowed to distance yourself from people without reason if you decide to and you are also more than allowed to explain yourself to someone about why you need to distance yourself regardless of their reactions.
You can not control other peoples emotions, actions, speak etc.
The only person that can fix a toxic person is themselves.
To be true to you, you need to feel free of toxic people. Being uncomfortable means change is occurring and with change is growth. Learning, growing and experiencing is what life is all about right? Don’t be scared to put yourself first and say goodbye to people that are bring toxicity into your life.
As always angels, I would love to hear from you about how this post affected you. I love getting comments, emails and insights from you all so you know the drill, email me or comment and we’ll be in touch.
Can’t wait to hear from you: firstname.lastname@example.org
Welcome back Angels. You asked for how to “up your selfie game”/”become more confident behind the camera”, so you got it.
PREPPING AND SETTING
LOCATION: I took these two above pictures and the upcoming pictures in my back yard. Yes, you have to go outside. No, don’t you dare try to just use the lighting from your window. Vitamin D wont absorb as well through a window so your glowy photos wont turn out as well either. You deserve the full and best experience.
TIME: From 12pm to 2pm EST the sun is right above me in the sky during summer which, is exactly when I took all these pictures. A clear sky is important too, so you’re not fighting with the sun to compliment you in your photos. Work with the sun, she will work back with you.
MAKEUP BASICS: For a natural and glowing selfie, I recommend a BB cream that matches your natural skin tone well and a transparent powder (any light powder is fine though). The BB creams are great for really complimenting your true tones and making a completed full colouring of your face that matches to your body, limiting redness and blotchiness. Put on your favourite mascara and a natural eyeshadow if you wish, to make your eyes pop more. Having a shaped, clean and filled brow thats true to your brow shape is essential; I feel like a clean, well shaped brow alone could be enough to accomplish the look in all honesty.
MAKEUP ADD ONS: If you want some extra shimmer to your photo you can apply highlighter that matches your skin tone. If you want to keep it natural then, keep your highlighter closer to your skin tone and less gold/white. Applying simply to your cheek bones, cupids bow and the touch at the inner of your eyes keeps it simple and elegant. Want to go full on highlight? Absolutely go for it but again, natural highlighter. Lip balm and/or a clear lipgloss or true tone of your lips for gloss, can add an extra glimmer as well. Remember this, the sun will naturally flatter your selfies once we take a look at angles/directions from the sun and positioning your face.
HAIR: Do your hair how ever you wish, this is all on you and what you’re feeling and what makes you feel most natural and confident. Ask yourself, what hairstyle makes me feel most confident and like my true self? Your natural hair is probably amazing too, so don’t be scared to let it down and bring the photo even more to lifewith confidence. You are so beautiful as you are.
CLOTHING: Again, this comes down to you and what you feel comfortable and confident in. I personally find that with natural, glowing pictures such as above, I like to have my neck, shoulders, arms and upper chest regions exposed. It brings more glow into the photos as not only is your face shimmering, but you bring on more shimmer with flaunting some more freshly moisturized skin. You should moisturizer at least once a day regardless okay? Your skin is your largest organ so show her some love. And dang girl, grab the sunscreen if you plan on being out there for awhile.
WORKING WITH THE SUN
Let’s take a look at some examples of what the results will be depending on which direction you’re facing the sun. Remember, the sun should beabove you so looking at it, your chin goes up slightly and you feel like theressymmetrical space on both the right and the left of you from the suns position.
I’m not wearing any makeup in the following pictures; I wanted to show you what it looks like even with natural skin to get glowing pictures.
TURNED AWAY FROM THE SUN: Don’t Face Away From Her Rays
As you can see, the lighting isn’t great when you have the sun behind you to get that glowing, natural and shimmering selfie. There will be a lot more darkness/shade across your face and body than there will be sun. This direction is a no glow.
SUN DIRECTLY ON YOUR SIDE: Your Hairs Blocking The Rays
The pictures at the beginning of this post where angled from the side and they look a bit different right? Hair in your face is a no glow. Having your hair out of your face from the side that the sun is shining on, is crucial for lighting. You’ll be able to get a her rays therefore, her glow if you have your hair pushed back. The side of your head that is away from the sun well, let that hair do whatever it wants it wont affect anything. We all love a messy, blessed lookwhen our hair can be wild and free.
SUN DIRECTLY ON YOUR SIDE: Angled to The Rays and Slay
So let’s review quickly. 1) We are positioning our side to the sun and/or slightly facing the sun with our face and shoulder facing the sun. 2) Our hair is out of our face. 3) ANGLING IS THE GLOW CHANGER. Look into your phone/camera, you should be getting a fair amount of sun on the side of your face, shoulders and across your chest. No, slightly tilt your chin up towards the sun. There we go. We have sun across the three major parts of skin in the picture, we’re glowing baby. You can look where ever you like, this is all on you. I personally find a look into the camera to be bestor slightly above and away into the distance.
SUN DIRECTLY FACING YOU: But Your Ignoring Her Rays Again Angel
I think seeing the last photo compared to this one you can already see the major difference in having your face/chin angled to the chin slightly. It creates an open canvas for the sun to indulge your beautiful face. So chin up because you stand empowered and confident, right? The rays are yours for the taking.
DIRECTLY FACING AND ANGLED TO THE SUN: You’re Glowing
We are facing the sun. Your hair is out of your face. We are angling our face/chin to face the sun so she can make us glow. Shade is playing its role in creating some contrast in colour. We are living for this moment and our selfie. Another important take away is have your phone/camera in front of your face, not lowered down or up above your head. Also, you can see yourself in your phone/camera screen so use it to your advantage.
BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE
It can be easier said than done, but get confident and comfortable behind the camera. You can feel the energy behind a photo and others can tell if you enjoyed taking the selfie or if you were feeling awkward and insecure.
You are so great as you are and deserve to slay your selfies how ever you desire, in whatever lighting you wish and with as much or as little makeup, hairstyling etc. you wish.
Practicing the angling and direction of the sun may be strange at first so be prepared to have to go out for a secondary shoot to feel more comfortable!
If it does help you, bring a friend to help with making sure the lighting is really complementing you as they take the pictures and direct you to get the best sunlight/contrast.
Having a set up where you can sit, set up your phone against something so its aligned with your face and have your phone/camera directly in your face on a timer, can also really help.
If you haven’t tried to video your self posing in the frame where you’d like to be positioned and recorded yourself posing in different angles etc. You should try it out and stay in those positions for approximately 5-10 seconds and you can screen shot from the video.
This one seems a little obvious but I can’t resist mentioning it. YOUR PUMP UP “KWEEN”, BAD B*TCH MUSIC IS ESSENTIAL. Get in the zone of your confident self and slay those natural, glowing, confident pictures angels. Check out my Spotify linked at the top of the screen or my album on Youtube to help you with positive vibrations linked below. (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=OLAK5uy_m-ytcqzc-CKlrrVrVykGdxgOUyyZRq3lI)
As always, feel free to send me a message by reaching out through comments, or my email email@example.com. Let me see how you selfie slayed from this “Get Glowing Confident Behind the Camera”, please oh please!
If you haven’t read the about me section on my blog yet I’m going to stop you in your track and ask you to go check that out. Then, hurry back because I am beyond excited to start getting raw, truthful, helpful and honestly, write about whatever you all are wanting to hear about.
You already know what you want to converse, educate, get advice on or learn from me? Great skip all of the next writing and leave your comment and I’ve got your back.
You don’t know what you want to converse, educate, get advice on or learn from me? Let me plant some seeds in your brilliant brain.
Self-care routine or techniques | Self-love at home and all the different ways you can go about it | How to cope with anxiety and strategies for grounding yourself | What it’s like to live alone for the first time ever/what to expect and things you should know | Budgeting and saving | Eating disorder recovery | Truth about diet culture from an eating disorder perspective | Learning to love yourself first | How to start putting yourself first | Beauty products I use and my honest review | How to transform your clothes from all Black to having neutrals and colour | To medicate or not to medicate | My go to meals and essentials to have stocked | Embracing growth and healing | ASK FOR ADVICE ON ANYTHING YOUR HEART IS LOUNGING FOR.
So like I mentioned, I want get raw, truthful, honest, kind and genuine with you all. I’m leaving the first blog post up to the people that are starting this journey with me. We are in for one damn conversation to spark some realizations, healing, change, growth and confidence. I’ll be back tomorrow evening (Wednesday June 17th, 2020) to see what I will be writing about first and get the blessing of great conversation to fuel some positive energy. Leave your comments below the hashtags Angels.